Oh, to be young and in love. That’s what you’re thinking right? Well you are correct. It is the time to be young and in love and in my life, I am feeling exactly that. Although whoever believes love is butterflies, unicorns, and daisies needs a serious relationship reality check. That’s the fun part though isn’t it? The hard, the easy, the fun, and the painful. That’s what I’ll be sharing here. I can’t be the only woman who, at times, resents all men because of the dirty work clothes left on the bathroom floor after showers right? Ok, cool.
Here, I hope to empower you, give you direction, or maybe just give you something woman-ly to relate and chuckle about. I’m no wise-and-experienced-married-for-52-years human, but I’m just a girl who shares a home with her partner and is raising a fur child together. Welcome to the modern tales of relationships in all their glory!
The Fridge White Board of War
Have you ever had a conversation come up between you and your partner about each others bad habits? You know, lighthearted and jokingly but deep down you’re thinking “I’m not really joking because its super annoying when you do that.” but here’s a better version: you ask them if they could stop doing a particular slob move and they become the best defense team there is and come back with “it’s not even that bad… you always do this.” Well this particular conversation is what started the white board war.
We had this silly little white board on our fridge to keep track of memos and important dates, until we made a tally chart with two sides. His side with his worst 3 habits, and my side with my worst 3 habits. The first person to get 3 strikes, lost. I don’t really remember what the winner got but even if I did, I probably shouldn’t write it online (haha.)
This became competitive fast and my boyfriend already knew he was involved with the Queen of the petty gang. To elaborate, I was working late one night and got a text with a photo of my plate from breakfast on the coffee table followed by “Strike one b*tch!” Before I get any concerned thoughts and opinions, my boyfriend and I are completely comfortable joking around like that and it doesn’t hurt any feelings.
Moral of the story from the White Board War, there are sillier and better ways to grow out of bad habits in a way that bring you together and you have something to laugh about with your partner. If you decide to try this, may the best one win!
How To Re-Kindle The Spark In Your Relationship or Just Keep It Burning!
Have you ever seen that FRIENDS episode where Monica is extremely jealous of Phoebe’s new relationship because she feels like her and Chandler aren’t the new hot couple anymore? Well, I think us women who have been in long-term relationships laugh but deep down, have had a moment where we relate to how she is feeling just a little bit. When you’ve been with your partner for a long time, it’s so easy to let the “spark” die out and not even realize it until it’s too late. You get all worked up about how your time to be hot and wildly inlove is fading when the reality is that you’re left with exactly what Chandler told Monica after she had expressed those exact feelings: You’re left with something beautiful because of how incredible it is to get past the beginning stage and still want to be around eachother, right? You’re left with a best friend, and more importantly: a partner. Now, that is all said and true but keeping your relationship exciting and not letting the “comfort” get the best of you is not the easiest thing. Before you know it, you can’t even remember when the last time you had date night was. Well, here is your sign to make that happen and it will be just what the two of you needed.
- A Getaway Weekend. Planning a weekend away can be super simple because it can be anything or anywhere that works for the two of you. Everyone is different and what may be relaxing for one couple, is the complete opposite of what would work for you and yours. A hotel, a spa, an Airbnb, camping, roadtrip, the possibilities are endless! Heck, you can even stay home if you plan it right. Personally, the thought of being somewhere different for the both of us to experience is a part of it but to some, that may not be important and that’s okay!
- Think Ahead for what you want to do while you’re there. There is nothing worse than going somewhere and coming home even more bummed because it was a complete snooze-fest. If you’re going somewhere that has options to make in-the-moment experiences and opportunities, your work has been cut out for you. However, going to a hotel room or camping may require a bit of planning so you know what to bring. Personally, bringing a board game or a deck of cards is always a safe bet! Nothing like some friendly competition to spice things up right?
- Avoid Your Connections to daily life. Obviously we live in a world where going away isn’t really going away unless you have an Instagram post about it and that’s okay. I myself, love a good picture to post and finding the perfect caption. But I try to put a limit on it; take a couple photos, send a few texts and leave my phone unless I need it. Watching a movie or a show is also fun and maybe something to do for a little bit, but the point of this experience is to remember what it feels like to spend true quality time together and connect as a couple.
- Take a bath and enjoy a glass of wine together. There is nothing more intimate and romantic than filling up the tub with loads of bubbles, a delicously smelling candle and the two of you enjoying some good wine! This creates so much opportunity to connect mentally, and physically. If you’re looking to extend the occasion, make some home-made chocolate covered strawberries together prior to your bath, and enjoy them during it.
- Talk about your Love Languages. When I first introduced this idea to my boyfriend, he laughed because he honestly didn’t even know “love languages” was a real thing. If one of you isn’t really the talking-about-your-emotions type in the relationship, and the other one is, it can be hard for the other partner who desires that type of connection. There are ways to get what you both need without anyone feeling uncomfortable and I am the physical proof! My boyfriend, along with most men, would rather get each individual leg hair plucked out than talk about his feelings. As a woman, there are times that this simply doesn’t work for me because I want to hear that he thinks about, what he needs, and what he feels… I know, the male species would be rolling their eyes at me right now. I found this couple’s card game called Love Language: Better Language for Better Love on Amazon, and tried giving it a go with my boyfriend. It has 5 categories: Family, Sex and Intimacy, Past and Future, Couple, and Individual. This game was created and inspired by a Couples Psychologist and it was really fun! The questions are detailed and personal creating acceleration in intimacy between two people which may be just what the doctor ordered for your relationship.
- Try Something New. I’m leaving this point open-ended because there are some many options and directions with this idea. It’s your relationship, your parnter, and your knowledge on the situation your relationship is in. So whether that means trying something new like getting pedicures together, doing sheet masks together before bed, or trying something new in bed to spice up your sex life, is entirely up to you love birds. There is always excitement in doing something you haven’t done before with one another because it’s a small reminder of your beginnings with each other. A new memory to add. Get creative!
- Just talk. So simple yet so easily forgotten. When is the last time you and your partner just had a conversation about life over a cup of coffee without a phone or tv involved? Human beings are born to interact with one another and something as simple as genuine conversation can be such a pleasant reminder of the friendship behind your relationship. Here is an example of why I thought this would be important to mention in this post: when my boyfriend and I spent our anniversary weekend out of town recently, we had forgotten to bring a charging block. We had the cord, but no cube. So the only place for me to charge my phone was in the car. We went into the car that night for about 20 minutes to let my phone charge at least a little and I put it on airplane mode so it would charge faster and wouldn’t use it. We ended up deep into a conversation about the universe, planets, the meaning of life, and the 95% of the ocean that hasn’t been disocovered yet. It was so refreshing to listen to him speak about his thoughts and opinions on such simple topics and just converse with one another. For such a small gesture, it will speak volumes for your relationship — trust me!
How to Get Comfortable During S*x: The Naked Truth
Whether you’re experienced or inexperienced, sex has different meanings for everyone and that’s completely okay. We seem to live in a generation where social media and the internet have created this illusion that unless you’re straight out of pornhub, you’re bad at sex. I feel like this makes so many women and girls feel self-consious, insecure and feeling like they need to live up to a standard of ‘what men want.’ Sex is a two way street and last time I checked, it’s alot easier for him to finish than you which means that if you didn’t finish, you f*cked him. Not the other way around. Sex is not what it is portrayed to be in movies and porn, and that is completely normal.
Get Out of Your Head! Stop worrying about what you look like from that angle and wondering what he or she is seeing. Yes, it is completely human of you to have stretch marks, dimples, wrinkles, acne, and body hair. Worrying about what kind of “performance” you’re putting on will ruin the experience for you and that’s not what sex should be about. It takes two to tango, and it takes TWO to have a good time when it comes to great sex. You’d be surprised just how little men pay attention anyway and chances are the thing you’re feeling self-conscious about, he didn’t even notice because he was too busy worrying about himself. (Kidding, but not really.) Let your hair run wild, embrace your beautiful body, and let nature run it’s course. Is it even worth burning all those calories without the reward at the end? Exactly.
Truthful Communication. This is a tricky one because a one night stand is probably not the time to be brutally honest about how bad of a job he’s doing going down on you or things will get awkward and uncomfortable…fast. If he is, finish what you’re doing and don’t ever look back. If you have a partner that you’re sleeping with regularly or you’re in a serious relationship, you have been given the gift of customizing your sex life to exactly what you want it to be! Take advantage! Don’t be afraid to share what you want in bed, and more importantly, share what you don’t want. The more you can learn about each others likes and dislikes, the better your sex life is going to be, believe me. The communication between you two will not only strengthen your relationship, but it will help you feel more comfortable in bed. If you don’t trust your parter, you’re always going to feel on edge and never fully enjoying sex. Sometimes using humour is the best way to go if you’re trying to talk about something that’s making you uncomfortable, it doesn’t need to be a hurtful or awkward conversation and if your partner isn’t able to take it that way then you need a new partner, LOL.
Taking Steps to Break Your Shyness. If you’re ever feeling shy or self-conscious in the bedroom, don’t sweat it! There are some steps you can take to ease yourself into feeling more comfortable and building trust. One of the best ways is to blindfold your partner so instead of seeing you, their other senses are heightened and you are feeling comfortable. One of the most common things about miscommunicating in the bedroom is that it’s so easy for your partner to feel like it’s something they did to make you feel self-conscious, and you can easily prevent this by letting them know when something feels good or encouraging to do something more often.
Not Letting the Small Things Get to You. You know when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and a *male* left the toilet seat up, so you fall into the toilet bowl? Or when you’re making coffee in the morning and you bump your head into the cupboard and hope no one in your household saw? There is things like this that can totally happen in the bedroom and they are so not a big deal. Funny noises may happen, awkward bumps and and less-than-flattering positions and movements. Don’t freak out, it’s happens to everyone.