Giving Yourself Closure When Nobody Else Can

It is an uncompromising, bitter and hard pill to swallow when someone cuts you out of their life; and against your will at that.

Whether it’s a platonic or romantic relationship, it hurts deeply and it’s not easy to get over. I can’t be the only person who finds some level of comfort in knowing someone else has been in my shoes, someone else has felt what I am feeling. “I can’t be the only person who has felt like this, if so and so was able to get over it, so can I… but why do I feel like I am never going to stop feeling this level of pain and sadness?” Don’t worry — giving yourself a proper ending to a sh*tty situation is certainly doable.

Don’t try and sneak past your emotions hoping that if you ignore and keep busy, the reaction won’t come. It will, because you are human and mourning the loss of a relationship in some ways, is like death. Coming to terms with the fact that the other person has left you utterly alone to clean up the mental damage of feeling deserted, alone, and heartbroken is the hardest part. However, it’s something you’re going to need to push yourself to come to terms and make peace with.

Getting the ugly cries out, like I mean the really ugly and loud sobs, will actually help. In the moment it definitely feels like you’re circling the drain of literal agony and doom, but it will help in releasing some of the emotional trauma you’ve been carrying. Really come to terms with the fact that the closure you are hoping for – is not going to happen. The “closure talk” you’ve convinced yourself you need in order to move on, is not an option. Once you’re okay with this, you are that many steps closer to truly moving forward.

My boyfriend is a huge podcast guy and rarely do I pay attention because unless it is Call Her Daddy, I am uninterested (anyone else?) However, this one segment really caught my eye, or ear I guess. They said that heartbreak is a chemical reaction/feeling and your brain is literally designed to adapt to new surroundings and realities around the 21 day mark. Since it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, apparently 21 days is when you will notice that your emotional and mental strength is feeling a bit stronger and re-balanced. This does not mean that in 3 weeks time, you will not feel any ounce of sadness again. That is a natural course that will come in waves for the next little while, but you can have some reassurance that your brain *literally* has your back.

From personal experience as we all have had at some point I’m sure, hearing people say “just keep a positive attitude!” made me just want to seriously be like, shut the f*** up. It is so much easier said than done and you are only reminding me that I am not in that place mentally, I have no positivity, just attitude. This is where you step in to have a mini intervention with yourself – what else are you supposed to do? Be miserable forever? What is that doing for the person who hurt you, and more importantly, what and where will that get you? It’s hard to shake off but if you can just figure out how to start doing that for yourself, you will feel so much clarity and motivation to move on towards a better future for yourself. You want to be able to say, “that was my past and my life is so much better now.” and actually mean it!

3 things to engrain in your mind because it will make your life easier:

  1. You’re not always going to get the explanation and closure you think you deserve.
  2. Sometimes you just have to accept something for what it is.
  3. Everything really does happen for a reason.

The truth is, sometimes the only closure we can get from losing a relationship is time.”

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