Feeling Sexy and Getting Out of Your Intimacy Rut

I recently read an article about getting out of a sexual rut, and I was clearly inspired. However, most of them will give you Pinterest date ideas and physical warning signs to look out for which made me think: Being in a sex rut is a personal thing and it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. In a relationship or single pringle… a global pandemic will that to ya. The warm weather is coming and Hot Girl Summer is approaching along with F*ck Boy Season behind it. The definition of a rut is a habit or pattern that becomes dull and is hard to change – but temporary. Sex sucks when you’re only source of it is through a screen. Although I have recently learned that Virtual Reality Porn is very much a thing, who would have thought? [insert Paul Rudd meme.]

So officially, I am calling all passengers aboard to Pleasuretown. 2021 is the year to love yourself, love others, stay hydrated, focus on your goals, leave behind toxic relationships and people, respect animals, and have good sex with people who deserve you.

Ask yourself: where did the lack of intimacy start and why is it happening? Decompartmentalizing your sexuality and understanding your emotions will bring you that many steps closer to fulfilling your core desires. Is there a pattern you tend to do that leads to poor choices and sh*tty sex? Settling for the rebound too often? Nobody out here has time for sh*tty sex anymore. We don’t fake orgasms anymore. Figuring out what turns you on doesn’t need to be sexual – although What Women Want taught us it does need to get sexual at some point and more specifically, foreplay is a step that shouldn’t be missed. Turn on’s can be as innocent as a walk with your partner. Why? Because connection is sexy. Today’s world has taught us to be a closed book for too long and our relationships lack honesty and openness. Raw dog your baggage and embrace vulnerability because it creates deeper love and passion. If they don’t accept that, or make you feel bad about your past, or yourself, keep moving with no f*cks given.

  1. What do you want to feel when you’re having sex and what do you want to feel about yourself? (Aside from the obvious.)
  2. Now that you know what you want to feel mentally and emotionally, what actions and experiences are going to make you feel that?

While writing this, I asked myself these questions and realized that all the women reading it might come to the same point: How am I supposed to feel sexy and embrace myself if I’m not happy with my body? You don’t need to be in love with your body to have fulfilling sex and experiences! But the more in-touch you get with your body and the more you learn to love it, the better it will be for you. Reframe your thinking to not focus on what you dislike about yourself, but the pleasure that your body is able to provide you. Let that translate into love for your body.

You’ve heard it a million times: Intimacy is a feeling of closeness. However I think we need to be reminded that it is not closeness by proxitimity, but out of belonging. Human beings are created to yearn for acceptance and unconditional love. This doesn’t mean that the next time you have sex you NEED to be in love. You most definitely don’t need to be in love every time you’re intimate with someone because we are all on different pages in the book of our lives. This applies to any kind of sex. Even if it’s with someone you will never see again; how you should feel about yourself and how you should treat them will change your sexual experiences for the better.

So to end this off, seriously, just start choosing you. Stop looking into things too much, overthinking the meaning in that text message, and overcritizing your appearance. Don’t have sex to please someone else or out of obligation, let yourself feel human connection and embrace intimacy!

Here is some sex inspo I hope you enjoy because I do, and absolutely none of these photos are mine, duh.

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